Thursday, July 8, 2010

Letter

Just a little something I wrote while feeling frustrated today. Might send it, might not, but if I do, it'll be edited again first. I know that it sounds a little "whiney".


Dear Mr. Wolf,

First of all, I wanted to thank you for creating several amazing television shows, including my favorite, Law and Order: SVU. I am not sure if you will ever read this letter, as I am sure that you receive many others, but I had to write it for myself anyway.

In addition to being a writer, an artist, and a musician, I am also a lesbian. I should probably add that I am a diehard Alex Cabot/Olivia Benson fan. I was disappointed with the whole Babs Duffy thing (she was pretty annoying), but usually, you’ve got a friendly attitude towards the LGBT community, and we appreciate it.

However, every time I watch Law and Order: SVU, no matter how much I enjoy it, there is an ache in my chest. It is an ache that all gay, bisexual, and transgender people carry around with them. A longing.

When I was little, I searched for role models just like other young girls. I loved Disney movies, but wanting to be a princess and marry one as well confused me. At twelve, I spiraled into a deep depression. Over the next two years, I attempted suicide twice. Only the love of my best friend, who is now my girlfriend of six years, saved me.

During my recovery, one of the things that helped me was fanfiction and original fiction about lesbians. It might seem silly, but it eased my pain to imagine that somewhere out there was a strong, confident woman who was like me. In my slice of WASP suburbia, I was the only lesbian I knew apart from my girlfriend. The internet was a safe way to share my secret dreams and hopes.

Although it helped me, becoming a fangirl of lesbian pairings (especially Alex/Olivia) was a two-edged sword. I gained confidence, but I knew that my dream would never become a reality no matter how many stars I wished on. I longed for one – just one – gay role model that wasn’t from a soap opera like The L Word.

No matter how many stars I wish on, I know the whole Alex/Olivia thing is never going to happen. Stephanie March is gone (again), and television has always been cautious about giving us lead roles. I suppose we crash ratings or something. But I wanted to spread a message.

Somewhere, a young gay teenager just like me is desperately searching for a role model she will never find. Maybe suicide wouldn’t have seemed so attractive if I had been able to watch a gay character on TV and envision a future like theirs – a successful future instead of a painful one. It would have been like a light at the end of the tunnel. It would have helped me forget the pain of breaking my parents' hearts, having to choose between missing prom and going alone, and the constant bullying.

This isn’t a demand or a plea... I guess I just wanted to let someone in the whole TV/Movie industry know how we feel (and judging by the fan websites out there, there are a lot of us)! We’re still waiting for the first mainstream show to have a central lesbian character/relationship. No, The L Word totally doesn’t count – it’s basically a bunch of hot women sleeping around and causing unnecessary drama. Definitely not the kind of role models I want.

Maybe someday (assuming you actually read this letter), you will be in the position to mention it to the boring old “men in black suits” that make the money decisions and select pilots. Maybe someday, we’ll go farther than Xena, Warrior Princess ever could. Maybe someday, a teenager will be able to envision a better future for herself.

Thanks and best wishes, your faithful fan,

Rae D. Magdon

8 comments:

Lauren said...

Wow. I'm from a small conservative city in the middle of nowhere Canada. Finding anything LGBT requires hours of internet searches and plenty of shipping and handling fees. We're having the hardest time just starting a Pride group at my university. You should send that letter. And if that doesn't do it, perhaps you could write the next big TV show with a lesbian in a leading role. I know I've been tempted... I actually wrote a paper touching on the lack of LGBT role models this year. I'm so glad you have your girlfriend. This might sound weird, but I was reading your work on FP when I was coming out. Funny how that works out isn't it?

Rae D. Magdon said...

It doesn't sound weird... I was hoping that someone someday would use my writing to feel a little more confident about their lesbianism. It's one of the reasons I put it out there. n__n; Other lesbian writers did the same for me while I was coming out. I always had a place to turn when things got really bad...

LoveRundle said...

I love the letter! I think you should send it. I don't watch SVU because it's just too much for me. I end up crying and feeling terrible the entire day, but I think it would be awesome if Oliva was a lesbian. She's just so in control of her world. She's such a great role model.

Also, I agree about L. Not for me. I wish I was better at writing scripts.

Kelly Karoly said...

Have you seen Rizzoli And Isles? My Mom is much more of a fan than I am, but I've caught bits and pieces, and as far as I can tell, there is lots of chemistry between the two female leads. Look up the show on tvtropes.org and you'll see the general consensus is that there is a great deal of chemistry between them. It's a new show...as far as I can tell, the only possible pairing on that show that's developing any sort of fanbase so far is the two female leads...maybe the writers on this show could get some encouragement to develop the first real lesbian pairing on tv to look up to...

Kelly Karoly said...

Well...another glance at your fanfiction.net profile tells me that you have, in fact, seen Rizzoli And Isles, so I guess I needn't have told you about that particular female-female chemistry *oops*

Rae D. Magdon said...

I have seen Rizzoli and Isles... but I doubt they will ever become more than a ship because they are based on a book where they don't hook up... if I were an author (straight or gay) and someone went around making my characters date each other on television when I didn't plan it that way, I'd be super pissed. But they are an awesome pairing and I should be writing some Rizzoli and Isles smut soon!

Kelly Karoly said...

Ah, I see. Yes, keep to the spirit of the book!

Lara said...

I can totally relate!

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