Letter

Just a little something I wrote while feeling frustrated today. Might send it, might not, but if I do, it'll be edited again first. I know that it sounds a little "whiney".


Dear Mr. Wolf,

First of all, I wanted to thank you for creating several amazing television shows, including my favorite, Law and Order: SVU. I am not sure if you will ever read this letter, as I am sure that you receive many others, but I had to write it for myself anyway.

In addition to being a writer, an artist, and a musician, I am also a lesbian. I should probably add that I am a diehard Alex Cabot/Olivia Benson fan. I was disappointed with the whole Babs Duffy thing (she was pretty annoying), but usually, you’ve got a friendly attitude towards the LGBT community, and we appreciate it.

However, every time I watch Law and Order: SVU, no matter how much I enjoy it, there is an ache in my chest. It is an ache that all gay, bisexual, and transgender people carry around with them. A longing.

When I was little, I searched for role models just like other young girls. I loved Disney movies, but wanting to be a princess and marry one as well confused me. At twelve, I spiraled into a deep depression. Over the next two years, I attempted suicide twice. Only the love of my best friend, who is now my girlfriend of six years, saved me.

During my recovery, one of the things that helped me was fanfiction and original fiction about lesbians. It might seem silly, but it eased my pain to imagine that somewhere out there was a strong, confident woman who was like me. In my slice of WASP suburbia, I was the only lesbian I knew apart from my girlfriend. The internet was a safe way to share my secret dreams and hopes.

Although it helped me, becoming a fangirl of lesbian pairings (especially Alex/Olivia) was a two-edged sword. I gained confidence, but I knew that my dream would never become a reality no matter how many stars I wished on. I longed for one – just one – gay role model that wasn’t from a soap opera like The L Word.

No matter how many stars I wish on, I know the whole Alex/Olivia thing is never going to happen. Stephanie March is gone (again), and television has always been cautious about giving us lead roles. I suppose we crash ratings or something. But I wanted to spread a message.

Somewhere, a young gay teenager just like me is desperately searching for a role model she will never find. Maybe suicide wouldn’t have seemed so attractive if I had been able to watch a gay character on TV and envision a future like theirs – a successful future instead of a painful one. It would have been like a light at the end of the tunnel. It would have helped me forget the pain of breaking my parents' hearts, having to choose between missing prom and going alone, and the constant bullying.

This isn’t a demand or a plea... I guess I just wanted to let someone in the whole TV/Movie industry know how we feel (and judging by the fan websites out there, there are a lot of us)! We’re still waiting for the first mainstream show to have a central lesbian character/relationship. No, The L Word totally doesn’t count – it’s basically a bunch of hot women sleeping around and causing unnecessary drama. Definitely not the kind of role models I want.

Maybe someday (assuming you actually read this letter), you will be in the position to mention it to the boring old “men in black suits” that make the money decisions and select pilots. Maybe someday, we’ll go farther than Xena, Warrior Princess ever could. Maybe someday, a teenager will be able to envision a better future for herself.

Thanks and best wishes, your faithful fan,

Rae D. Magdon