Thursday, June 3, 2010

Write for YOURSELF

Today, I read a post on one of the forums I frequent. It was written by a fellow lesbian who, frustrated at having to sift through terrible lesbian fiction written by dudes who stole everything from the last porno they rented, declared that guys can't write lesbian fiction.

First off, she has a point. Lots of guys who try to write lesbian fiction suck at it. Horribly. But you should never make generalizations about what one should and should not write based on their gender, their race, their age, or any other factor about them. Even if most guys write horrible lesbian fiction, what about the small percentage that do it well? Shouldn't we give them a chance?

Does that mean that, because I'm white, I can't write a story with black characters in it because I don't understand what it's like to be black?

Now, the first thing to do in a situation like this is recognize: hey, this is outside my personal experience, and I should be very careful writing this. I would certainly be cautious while trying to write a story with an all-black cast because I grew up in white/asian/indian suburbia. My interaction with black people was extremely limited until I got older, not because of any restraint on my parents' part, but simply because of my geographic location.

The same goes for a guy writing lesbian fiction. He must be very careful and do his research. No, that does not include watching porn. Doing research means reading lesbian fiction and, if you have any lesbian friends, talking to them about their experiences. Then, try and remember experiences in your own past that can relate to theirs, even if it's only on a small scale.

For example, I cannot imagine the horrors that Irish immigrants faced at the beginning of the twentieth century. They were denied jobs, cursed at, beaten, mocked, spit on... probably raped and murdered in some cases if the perpetrators got too rowdy. However, as a lesbian woman, I do know what it's like to be rejected - even by my own parents. I can tap in to that feeling and use it to identify with other minority groups.

We all have our differences, but the human experience is shared. We all feel the same emotions and dream the same dreams. Yes, it is difficult for us to relate to each other, and as writers, it is difficult to write about characters that seem alien to us, but that should never stop you from writing what you feel called to write... and as readers, we should judge each work based on its merits, not its author's race, gender, ethnicity, social class, or sexual orientation.

Instead of looking at it as an impediment, view it as a challenge and a way to expand your worldview. You never know, you might end up with a masterpiece.


Edit: the "ranter" is actually a very sweet person who admits that while it is rare, it is not entirely impossible for a dude to write lesbian fiction. We're all friendly-like now. n__n I'm only keeping this post up because someone someday might need the encouragement to write something outside of their comfort zone.

5 comments:

Knightmare said...

As one of the guys who writes lesbian fiction, it's an eternal uphill battle for me. :( After reading that rant, it was like, even the shittiest written lesbian story would be better than my best purely because it was written by an actual lesbian.

I know that's not completely true, and I have improved over the years. The glaring fact still remains, I'm not a lesbian, nor am I female. Those two things will always be a mountain that I have to overcome with each new story.

Admittedly, I did watch 'lesbian videos' at first to get an idea about interactions. That shows in my first stories, and they weren't very good. Being that I have a lot more female friends than males, I started observing them, all the little details in their interactions.

I tried to incorporate a natural feel into my writing. I watched a lot of independent lesbian movies (not really a good idea for research) and visited forums, and talked to a lot online about nothing. Casual talk is actually a good way to understand about a person, I say that because information lends itself when they're rush to it. I've learned a lot by simply talking and observing.

A reviewer (person from the rant) pointed out that I have 'man tone'. I understand that, and it's something that I have to try harder. Hearing that felt like a huge you FAIL, I have to take it in stride, and know that she still read through the story, so there was something redeeming to keep her going.

For my tone to sound naturally feminine, it's going to take some time. A lot of people do read my writing, and many thought I was a woman. Looking back, it wasn't because of the tone, rather it was because it was a lesbian story and no one expects guy to actually write on that goes 3 chapters without sex. :(

My current big story is about a Male to Female Transsexual that I write for Nanowrimo 2008, and it's currently at 645 pages. I've learned a TON about transsexuals, and I'm ever so grateful for the experience. I feel so ignorant, just thinking how little I knew before going into that. I can't say that story won't piss off transsexual women.

The thing is, people want to read these stories, and the people who authentically lives these lives (lesbians and or transsexuals) either don't have the ability to write well enough, or simply chose not to. That's why so many people like myself who live outside there worlds want to share their stories with people who want to read. And it's not totally fair to come at us for it being terrible.

I understand the frustration with badly written stories, many of which are just porn with plot, or written off sheer ignorance. Generalization isn't fair, and it does discourage those who are trying to be true to their topics. I just want to put that out there. Sorry for the long winded rant/post.

Girlbian said...

I word argue, and perhaps unsuccessfully, that no: a man can't write lesbian fiction. Sure, as a white woman you could have a well-fleshed and wonderful African American character. But I would argue that it's not going to have the same soul as if it was written by someone who has experienced black skin. Although, I do agree (as I have been disowned by both parents for being lesbian) that we might have a little more insight into discrimination.

As far as lesbian fiction goes: as a lesbian I am sure you are well aware of the incredible (searching for a word) -ness of the love of two women. A man is possibly capable of writing sensitive lesbian fiction (sans constant dildoing and secret yearnings for a man to join.)

A man will never, not matter how sensitive or studied know the absolute spiritual bond that can exist between two women. With someone that knows your body and your mind and your heart the same way that you do. They can never capture the incredible giddiness of first same-sex love or the heart-wrenching, bittersweet, elation of coming out.

I don't want to say that a man CANT ever write lesbian fiction, but personally I wish they wouldn't. I would never write gay male fiction. I could read about sailing, interview those who sail, but I could never write a truly authentic sailing piece because I do not know the experience of navigating the great blue expanse of ocean, the ropes in my hand and the salty wind in my face.

Please men, I know it's hot, but please leave the lesbian fiction to the lesbians.

Knightmare said...

Girlbian, I hear what you're saying, and you have many valid points. I don't write lesbian fiction because it's 'hot'. I write it, or attempt to because it's something I want to know more about.

I explained why I write it. Honestly, I don't 'want' lesbian fiction to be my 'thing'. It's just my characters always turn out that way, and those are the only types of plots that interest me.

Sometimes I do want to quit because I know I'll never be accepted as a legitimate writer of lesbian fiction, just 'some perverted hobbyist' and most people apparently see me. I don't know, writing these stories make me happy, and it's so discouraging to have to constantly prove myself over and over that I'm not some perverted MAN trying to write about something he apparently has zero idea about.

I'm not saying that I'll ever write a perfect or authentic lesbian story. It's something I strive for, but it'll never happen for obvious reasons. Though one thing that I do find strange is that the people who seem to have the most problem with my work are the very people that I'm trying to help spread support and awareness for.

Rae D. Magdon said...

Please don't be discouraged, Knightmare.

No, you don't know what it's like to be a lesbian because you aren't one, but you know what? That doesn't mean you can't write something worth reading.

Sure, it's going to be a hell of a lot harder for you than for a lesbian woman. No, you're not going to write the same as a lesbian. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't write a story that you feel needs to be written. It also doesn't mean that your story isn't worth someone's time.

Maybe you will not ever grasp the perfect authenticity you strive for. But all of us struggle as writers, and a challenge should not make you despair, it should help you to learn and grow. I said it once already, but I'll say it again. Yeah, you're going to have a difficult time writing lesbian fiction as a guy, but that doesn't mean your writing is total garbage, a waste of time, or not worth reading. Keep fighting the good fight. You can only improve.

Knightmare said...

Thank you. It really means a lot to me to hear that.

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